Thursday, October 25, 2007

WAU - Week 3

uihhh..salam kak red..saya amatlah setuju dgn segmen WAU ni..eventhough..i know my chances are almost negative..


mmglah negative sangat coz i dont even know how to begin with..but deep down inside i always pray for my 'biological' parents and my other siblings happiness..no matter if they are dead or alive allahuallam..only god knows how i feel kak red..to begin with..semasa nak sibuk2 bertunang..tgh merancang kahwin segala bagai my family baru bagitau yang saya ni anak angkat..


i was not surprise and it is what i expected..i always knew that there is a dark huge secret that circles among my family since i was small..the fact that i was totally different frm this family of mine..no similarities..and i cant even speaks 'loghat' kedah properly..telo dia mcm tak serasi dgn lidah saya..seperti yg diduga tekaan mmg tepat..lansung tak terkejut dan tak menangis..(idakler yg mcm dlm drama2 tv..nangis sakan bagai nak gila) simply because 'i love my foster family too much'..and what i am NOW..is because of them..and the huge part is..because of my 'maks' doa..mak yg telah menjaga..membelai saya dgn penuh rasa tanggungjawab tanpa pernah bersungut walau sedikit pun :)


..not too mention my arwah bapak..yang membelai saya mcm darah daging sendiri till the day he died and for that i thank ALLAH for this FAMILY of mine..full of happiness and love between us..you knowlah kak red..zmn 70's dulu mana la ada proper record..especially babies yg dtg dari kampung2 ni..register dulu pun kat balai polis cheras and dlm birth certs lama... saya ni 'home birth' (saya pun tak pasti saya dr kampung mana, all i know is saya ni org pahang)thats what my family told me..sebab ada org tengah dari kementerian kebajikan dolu2 yg serahkan saya to my present family ni,sad to say,dah arwah org ni and all records are gone..not sure dolu2 they keep record or not.from what my mom knows..saya dtg from family susah and ramai adik beradik..


kemungkinan i'm the youngest and my parents cant afford to jaga me..thats why diserahkan pada keluarga angkat,,bestnya dgr rupanya saya punya ramai adik beradik..tentu masih hidup dan entah dimana? di malaysia..for i am only 28..kadang2 waktu solat saya boleh nangis thinking about my parents and how i wish could meet them if they're still alive..ingin benar nak mencium kaki kedua org tua yg tak pernah saya kenali..thanking them for bringing me into this world...jika tidak di dunia...mungkin di akhirat akan bertemu jua saya dgn kedua ibubapa dan adik beradik yg lain..ingin saya ceritakan kisah hidup saya pada mereka..letting them know that i am in good hands and that my foster family had been the nice to me and byk berkorban demi saya throughout my entire life..sad in it kak red...you know who you are but you cant actually do anything with it?


kat msia apetah lagi nak buat DNA2 test ni..mcm la ada record dari yg terdahulu pon!but deep inside i still hope and pray if ever one day i'll be back in msia for good..dapatlah jugak jejak kasih for my longggg losttttt familyyyy..only time and much pray will tell how my story ends...at times saya semacam tak takut akan kematian langsung cause i know soon i will 'reunite' with my parents and family again..but for now..i am happy just being ME..blessed with a loving husband and 4 adorable kids to bully :)..always thinking of HOME(my mak,abang and kakak)..and much thought and lifetime prayers for my past..and present family :)


-only time
-msdbab





4 comments:

viruspadu said...

sedihnya,
misdbab... sedihnya cerita dia, sy harap dia tabah mengharungi dugaan yg maha hebat ini...

Jelly said...

sob... sob... sob...

Ceera said...

alamak, cam sedih ajer citer dia nie.. tabahkan hati k..

miss^dbab said...

sedih mmg sedih..but its ok..dah tersirat dlm hidup saya..kena tabah dan terus usaha..jgn putus asa..sekadar ingin berkongsi perasaan..perasaan seorang anak yang tak pernah mengenali ibu bapa kandungnya..this is how i feel..i'm sure di luar sana ramai yg senasib dgn saya..cuma segelintir mgkin segan atau malas utk bercerita.dan segelintir lagi will be so lucky to reunite with their family again,cara penerimaan mgkin berbeza..life is just one big circle..when you're up,..its ok..but when you're down?siapa yg sanggup berdiri belakang kita..just for thoughts..i dont think TIME will heal my pain..but the effortless support n strong family background frm my present family n hubby makes me stronger n becomes a better person in each n every way.HAPPY ME!